I have found peace

It's amazing what $249 can bring into your home! The boys have been peacefully(but not quietly) playing with the newest addition to our house for two days now. Yes folks, we broke down and bought a Wii. I must admit, it is fun, and my arm actually hurts from playing tennis! Go figure. I think we are going to look for the Wii fit after the holidays and see what that is about too.

Elijah's test results came back normal. I am so relieved to hear that. He is feeling much better, so it looks like January will bring some "normal" back to our home. Whatever normal is anyway.

no news is good news

We haven't heard back yet from the doctor. They found four areas of suspicion and took some biopsies. The only good thing is at least we know that he was having pain for good reason. She said that there was an area as she entered the stomach from the esophagus that was "red, swollen and pillowy." I'll be interested to hear what that was. He has had three good days now. That's a first since October! Yeah, keep getting better Lij!

spending the night with the bub

Elijah had a procedure scheduled at the hospital very early this morning, so my Mom offered to keep Sam and take him to school. Sam was excited at the prospect, but was a little worried about "the village." "What are you talking about Sam, what village?" He said "you know, where she lives, her village." Duh,(big slap on the head,) "you mean her neighborhood." "Yeah, that's what I said." Ha ha, funny boy.
They went to McDonalds for pancakes this morning where he convinced the Bub that he got to have Sprite for breakfast. Um, yeah, not.

Dr. Bob Baloney

Is there a doctor in the house? Why yes, here he comes, it's Dr. Bob Baloney. Open wide and say Ahhh! (I'd like to be just a smidge a creative as Sam, just spending a few moments in his head would make my day!)

super trooper

Elijah is still not feeling well. He got sick November 1, and is still not back to normal. We are working with the docs though, and trying just about everything to help him feel better.

Sam has been such a GREAT kid through all of this. Just rolling with the punches and going with the flow. He started riding the bus home yesterday. It saves me such time, and I know he has fun. There is a little girl from his class named Julienne that is very excited to have him on the bus with her. When I asked him what she thought about him riding, he said " I don't know, she just kept going "poke,poke,poke on my head"" Me thinks someone has a crush on my little boy!

health and sickness

See the ocean.

See the sunshine.

See the smiling boy...

All are gone, gone, gone.

Elijah has been sick now for three weeks. He has missed school for all but one of those days. He moans for all of his waking hours. We are all miserable, and we need this to end. He has been diagnosed with "undiagnosed abdominal pain." That would be funny if it wasn't funny.

the big "little" boy

My baby boy is nine. He tries to be so brave sometimes. I'm sure I remember reading someplace about this age being difficult to navigate for both the child and the parent. Making it even more challenging, is having a brother on the spectrum. Boy do I love him, and I forget how hard it is being the older sibling. He is going through a rough patch right now. He has problems with anxiety and phobias, and has been going to counseling for the better part of two years. He is doing better most of the time. Not so much right now. He gets caught up in his thoughts and needs reassurance to bring himself back around. I know we will get there, but the journey is long. He is such a good boy, my baby.

school is out...don't ruin my vacation

We did it. We made it through another school year with success for one and all. It was a sad one though as we had to say goodbye to our wonderful Mrs. M. She has been with our family now for 4 years, teaching both of our boys with such loving kindness, it is hard to imagine that there is someone else out there like her. I for one will miss her when the school year starts again.

We are a pool going family this year and in August we will head to the beach. Elijah has had a count down since around February. I'm not sure if it is accurate or not, but the numbers are getting smaller. Now if the price of gas doesn't kill us...

Sam warned me that with summer here now I better not do any school stuff with him. Upon introducing the idea, he said "you're ruining me vacation!" Hmm-guess he told me.

he makes a funny

On the way home from school today, we are listening to the conversation going on in the back seat. There are three boys(two of them mine) ages 10,9 and 7. The 10 year old tells the 9 year old that this summer he is going to California to become a singer(confirmed not true) and can bring a friend. That friend is Elijah. Wow! Sam asks if he can come too...the ten year old says he has to ask first-(good thinking.) Sam says "good, if I can go, I can lay on the beach and look for hotties." What?!!!

life

I think it is about the right time of year when I feel the worst about Sam's diagnosis. I don't know why though, Spring is on it's way and I even got a little sunburn on my nose at the soccer game last week. (Yes, I love the sun!) But, I just feel so sad. I hate the struggle that we all go through to just maintain normal. Who dictates normal anyway? We are all affected in some way or another. I can usually cope until he gets angry with me. Then he spews nails and he knows how to hurt you with his words. I know this too and still I end up in tears trying to repair the damage done to our hearts. Once he settles down, he even tells me that he didn't mean what he said that he is just angry and talks like that when he is mad. I just want to disappear for awhile and come back when I feel better.

February come and gone

Happy Birthday to my baby boy! You turned nine this year. I remember being nine. It's strange when you start to have memories of the ages your children were. I imagine this is when parents get into trouble by living through their children. Thank goodness I have boys. Elijah, you are my first born. The miracle that I waited for and wanted so very much. When you were born, I never could have imagined how much in love I would have fallen with you. In the beginning, you couldn't do very much and frankly we didn't know what to do with you anyway. But I think for me at least, you filled an emptiness that I had always felt.
Now at nine, you are quite your own person. Evolving still, and pulling away a little bit every day. I'm proud of you. You have opinions. Even though it has gotten you into trouble, you are not afraid to speak your truth. You are funny. Your laugh is contagious. You are a good friend and treat your friends fairly. You are a good kid.
You said to me the other day, that you thought that time was going so fast. You have no idea how fast. I love you Lijie Bear.

of matchbox cars and woo woo's...

I have had a stomach bug this week. I strongly recommend avoiding this at all costs. Yuck! Every part of my body ached and I moaned a lot. The good news is I am now feeling better.

I have been wanting to purge the basement playroom for awhile now. The boys are getting bigger and have broadened their interests a bit in the last few years. Bigger toys for bigger boys I suppose. It should be that way too, kids learn more as they grow, their needs and desires change. They grow up. Sigh. It's all good though.

Still, I miss the days when they would run to the window to see a passing firetruck and a .99 car would make them smile. The years go by so fast.

random cuteness

We went to the Columbus Zoo for the lights. It was very, very cold outside. Thankfully, there are barrels with burning firewood set up around the grounds. We also consumed yummy hot chocolate! This is Fiona, one of the boys sisters.

From the rear...

Who knows?

Sophie, the Buckeye cat. Oh, and Elijah too.

RIP fishy

Once upon a time, we attended a friends Nemo birthday party. It was great fun, and the goody bag was even more exciting. A real live fish! (or two or three.) Being unprepared, we drove to the petstore and purchased the equipment needed to house such a pet. This was in 2003. Let's forward ahead to 2008. We lost Fishy on New Years Eve. It was horrible to say the least. This was the first time that Sam had experienced a loss. He was crushed. Unfortunately, I was totally unprepared in how to explain death to him. It was a long and twisted story, but Fishy now lives in the Atlantic and we are going to visit him this summer. He lives with his former tank mates (Lucky and Lefty, that we lost almost immediately) and will be much bigger when we get there. Why of why didn't I just tell him that he went to Fishy heaven? Now we are going to spend part of our first beach vacation searching for a fish that never made it to the ocean. Geez!

heart cracks...

That's my boy. See that smile? Oh, how I love him. Sometimes, it is very hard being his mama. I imagine that sometimes it is very hard being that boy. The world is fighting against him at every moment with it's sounds and bright lights. Wtih the constant movement of people and things. His brain is on overload trying to filter out the nonsense and hold on to what is important. Then he has to try to figure out just what is important. Oy!

He gets very angry sometimes. Mostly it is a reaction to someone here at home. How he deals with it is wanting out. I mean really wanting to leave. He has done it too, most of the time never venturing further than the perimeter of the house. Just to spice it up a little, he has added that he wants to kill himself or swallow coins so he will choke and stop breathing. I don't know how to help him. Usually, I start crying while talking to him and that just angers him more. It is just a mess...

We have contacted an outside agency and a behavioral specialist to help give us some guidance. It will take time.

For now, I will continue to love him and try to glue the cracks in my breaking heart.

the throat...a new look

Elijah had his tonsils and adenoids out in December. It has been long awaited. We started seeing this ENT in 2001, finding out then that he had enlarged adenoids. We have listened to the pediatrician since then even though he had strep too many times last year. This time we listened to our gut and took him in. His throat was a mess! Dr. M said that he was getting a slim arch of air and his tonsils were almost touching. How could the allergist and pediatrician not see this as a problem? He did really well, recovered for the most part in about 10 days. Whew, the bad breath though was a killer. Think dying animal.

We are now on Winter break. The boys half-sister and mom came for a visit and we were busy. The zoo, a water park, COSI and an indoor climbing place that the kids love. We have ice skating at the zoo, and the boys really wanted to give it a try. They did really well combining hugging the wall with some actual moving out into the rink. Then Elijah fell, and fell, and fell again. See, the thing about falling is that you use your hands to catch yourself and it happens quickly. So, one trip to the ER later and we have a sprained wrist. Aside from the initial pain, I think he is enjoying the attention that having an arm in a sling brings to him. Vacation has been a bust!