My life

I haven't had a job in seven years. Well, I guess people would argue that staying home and raising your children is a job but, I mean a job outside of the house. I have a friend who told me about a position that would have been perfect for me. A part-time nine month contract doing what I love to do. I guess I really wanted it, because tonight she told me that it went to someone else. Damn. I have learned through parenting Sam that a lot of times things are bigger than you and you have to surrender them to the universe. I'm trying, I really am. Things have been so tight around here with my not working, we keep telling ourselves that "this is just temporary" but I am getting tired. Tomorrow is a new day, let's see what happens.

one step forward and two steps back...

Nobody get comfortable, this is going to be bumpy! Sam has had three absolutely wonderful days after having an absolutely horrible day on Saturday. I wish there was a way to predict when he is going to have a meltdown, then I would know how to prepare people for it when it happens. I'm frustrated because P feels totally inadequate when he goes off, so that leaves me to deal with him. I truly believe meltdowns in a child on the spectrum are like out of body experiences. You wouldn't even recognize Sam while he is in the midst of these anger fits, it is as if someone or something takes over and his face contorts and he says really bizarre things. He slammed a play cash register on P's body and then he bit her, all while she was trying to get up off the couch to hold his arms and escort him into his bedroom. Once there, he proceeded to throw things out of his room and down the hallway. At this point, Elijah calls me on my cellphone and tells me that "You need to come home, Sam is out of control." Okay, plan B, clearly I am not going to the grocery store. When everyone (Elijah and P(who was sobbing)) had calmed down, I told them they should go out for awhile and Sam would stay by himself in his room. He came out about 45 minutes after everyone had gone and told me how sorry he was for biting P. I suggested he draw/write a picture for her to tell her how he was feeling. Agreed, and then he and I sat on the couch and snuggled. Once P came home, they decided to have a "do over" day.

I feel like if I am not here to tame the beasts in my children then the day will end up in the toilet for one or all of the members of this family. It is exhausting being this mom.

Now the good thing are that this kid over the last few days has really wanting to read! He is so proud of himself as he navigates through an easy book and remembers words we've worked on previously. If he could feel a sense of accomplishment over something, I think he wouldn't feel like school was such a drain on him. He is working so hard, I couldn't be prouder of my boy.